


i'll be back someday

by mistyheartrbs



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: ?? - Freeform, F/F, Reunions, Timeskip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 11:38:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20007694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistyheartrbs/pseuds/mistyheartrbs
Summary: Riko returns to Uchiura for an Aqours reunion.Sometimes, it's hard to know business is unfinished until it's staring you in the face.





	i'll be back someday

**Author's Note:**

> idk what it is about this time of year that just makes me wring out 8k lls fics but...here it is...
> 
> title comes from the song of the same name by tegan and sara because i listened to it a bunch while writing this

It had never been a formal thing, them breaking up. It wasn't like Muse, who had decided as a group to end things on top. Aqours had drifted apart, yes, in a physical sense, but they'd stayed together as a group. No longer bound under the moniker of "school idols," they became a funny little powerhouse of a band. Riko stopped dancing and played the piano while Yoshiko tried her hand at the drums. Sometimes they'd all sing in unison. Sometimes it'd just be one person, the rest of them playing instruments or acting as backup. In any case, Aqours the school idol group and Aqours the band were different forces altogether, and the audiences loved them both. 

Time took its toll, however, as it always did. Modern technology allowed them to record music from different parts of the globe, allowed members to punch in through their laptop screens during concerts, but it could not help them stand the strains of time, and eventually songs and performances lessened and lessened until the name "Aqours" all but faded from public memory. 

Until the email. 

Riko didn't fancy herself much of a musician anymore - corporate life would do that to a person, _Tokyo_ would do that to a person - but she still had the piano in her tiny apartment. It took up nearly half the space, and her roommate all but begged for her to get rid of it, but she refused. 

Knowing who her roommate was, she doubted either of them really wanted it gone. 

In any case, it was one of those rare evenings Riko had to herself, ahead on her work and without any interruptions. She took a deep breath and tried to make it through _Kimetayo Hand in Hand_ without the past tightening around her neck. She failed to do this, and just as her hands rested on the keys, her laptop let out a _ding!_

"Who could that be?" she said, mostly to herself. _Only_ to herself, really. Nobody else was home. Clicking on the email, Riko had to stifle a gasp. 

**To: rikosakurauchi@tokyofinance.org, 7 others  
From: mikanmikan15@aol.com **

**hey everyone!**

**it's chika, and i realized it's been ten years since we formed aqours!! i know this is sorta out of the blue but i'd be really happy if we could all get together - you know, for old time's sake.**

**reply to this if you're interested! :)**

**-chika**

Riko's head spun. Her eyes felt hot, and she had to press a hand against her face to remind her of where she was. Chika, _her_ Chika, the high school sweetheart who never was, had invited her to a reunion. It was just perfect, wasn't it? Underneath the email were a scattering of responses - You's quick and to the point _will be there!_ up against Mari's long, flowing prose. She'd stayed with Kanan, as everyone knew she would. Long distance wasn't too difficult when you'd already spent two long, lonely years apart. Mari had joked at her wedding that she was still making up for lost time, and then she'd winked for a very long and awkward thirty seconds until Kanan dragged her off the stage. 

"Okay," she said out loud. "Okay! It's fine." The sounds of the city felt deafening in her ears.

"What's fine?" 

"Yeep!" Riko jumped, shivering even as she realized who the voice belonged to. "Jeez, Sarah! Could you tell me next time you enter the apartment?" 

"Nope," Sarah smugly retorted, spinning her keys around her finger. "So, what're you despairing over this time?" 

"This." Riko spun around the computer to show her. Sarah's eyebrows shot up. 

"I see," she said, leaning on the piano like an old Broadway actress. "Did my lovely sister-in-law say anything?" 

"I don't think she uses email." 

"Really? Ever-popular Ruby Kurosawa-Karazuno, one half of modern pop's most iconic power couple, doesn't use email?" 

"Your sister handles that stuff. You're both . . . businesspeople." 

"Says you." Sarah let out a sniff of indignation. _"You're_ working a lifeless desk job." 

"I never said I was happy about it." 

"Why not go, then?" Sarah drummed her fingers on the piano. Riko bit her tongue so as not to reprimand her for doing it. 

"Chika," she muttered, so quiet she wanted Sarah not to hear it. 

_"Oh,"_ Sarah drawled, realization dawning on her. "So _that's_ it. Unfinished business, right?" 

"Finished business, actually." Riko stood up, got to filing some of her favorite manga on the closest shelf in the way she liked it. It was a nervous habit, one she'd never quite shaken. "One hundred percent finished." 

"Why are you worried, then?" 

"We never dated, alright?!" she squeaked out. Sarah stopped drumming her fingers. "I had a big crush on her in high school, and we kissed once in the back of the tour bus but that was _it,_ why would I bring that back? Why would I do that to myself?" 

"Because you miss your friends?" 

"I've made a fine life for myself out here, Sarah. I'm okay." 

"It's not even an actual formal reunion. She's literally just asking you out to lunch." 

"What happens after that, though? What if we follow up? No, it's better to leave it be." 

"You haven't changed a bit, did you know that?" Sarah picked herself off the piano and sat on the couch, sinking into it a little. Riko had to scoot around, uncomfortable, to face her. "I remember when you guys played for the first time, and we saw you all. You didn't say anything back then, just stood back." The air conditioning whirred around them, the only sound left. Riko felt like she was being suffocated in her own skin. "You're still like that. It's kind of amazing, really." 

"I'll go," she said, maybe too quickly, maybe not quickly enough. Sarah blinked. 

"I thought I'd have to convince you more." 

"I'll go," Riko repeated, more to herself than anything. "Where'd the email say it was again?" 

***

_There she stood, then, a week and a half or so later, waiting at a train station while the seconds ticked by all too slowly. A melancholy old rock song played, crackling, over the speakers._

_"Riko-chan!" There 'she' stood, or ran to be more specific, suitcases bumping behind her. Riko's heart fluttered in her chest._

_"Chika-chan!" she called out, despite herself. "I can't believe you're here!"_

_"Of course I'm here, dummy." Chika pulled her close, smelling like oranges and the sea, as she always did. Riko could almost cry. "I've missed you, you know."_

_"I've missed you too, Chika."_

_"And you know, Riko-chan?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"I've-"_

"Get _up,_ sleepyhead," Sarah groaned, all but shoving Riko out of her bed. Her head was still clouded, as it often was after dreams, but this time it had felt so _real._

(They always felt real, but she never said that) 

"You're catching a train to Uchiura, remember?" 

"Oh." Riko sat up, folded her hands in her lap. "Right." 

***

Things always make sense in dreams, Riko thought idly. In her waking state, she rationally knew that Chika and the others were meeting up in Uchiura. She rationally knew that the train station she'd been at in the dream was not the same one she'd be meeting them at. 

Still, she could still feel Chika's embrace, and that broke her heart. 

***

The landscape whizzed by, fast as anything, and yet Riko felt it was too slow, far too slow. She might as well have been crawling through molasses. Idly, she flicked through her phone, watching as notifications popped up on the screen. Aqours may have faded from the public eye, but they still had fans. Not many, but some. 

That was a comfort, at least, to know they were still loved. 

_"Now approaching Uchiura Station,"_ the artificial voice blared over the loudspeakers. Riko tensed. 

"This is my stop," she muttered to herself, a pep talk of her own design. Nobody else stepped off - nobody ever went to Uchiura, really. It was more or less a ghost town.

The thought made her sadder than she'd have thought. 

Regardless, she stood, tightened her grip on her suitcase. The train stopped and she wobbled a bit. 

"Meetin' someone?" an old man croaked. Riko nodded. "Have fun." She stepped off into the station, and the ocean air hit her nose. 

_Welcome to Uchiura,"_ the same robotic voice blared over the one loudspeaker. The station wasn't really much of a station - more of a slab of concrete next to the train tracks. Riko started for the one inn in town. She kept her head down on the way - if she didn't, she feared it'd lead to waterworks, and in no circumstance did she _ever_ want that. 

So she walked and walked, knowing full well what awaited her, knowing full well she would not be able to handle it.

(She hoped the bedrooms would be the same) 

***

It was familiar, painfully so, when Riko reached the inn, almost as if she'd never left. The exterior was exactly the same as it had been a decade ago. She knew the same would not be said for whoever was inside, and she took another deep breath. 

Promptly, she was greeted by a smiling face she'd never expected to see again. 

"Chika!" she yelped. She'd known _logically_ that Chika would be there, sure, but that was a world different from seeing her. Her heart stuttered to a stop, her world spun. She had to hold onto the doorframe to keep from falling. 

_What a damsel thing to do,_ she chided herself, silently.

"Riko-chan!" Chika - if she had any reservations, she didn't show them - picked Riko up and spun her around. "I didn't know- I mean, I really didn't think you'd make it here!" 

"Well, here I am," Riko chuckled, awkward. Chika looked more or less the same - she still had that little braid, still grinned like the sun shone from her teeth, but she was still . . . well, she was _older._ That should have been obvious, but it was strange nonetheless. "Are the others here yet?"

"Nope. You're the first." 

"Are any of them coming?" The thought of spending the weekend with Chika alone, with nobody else to act as a buffer, to stop her from saying something to regret, made the warm sea air feel like a chill. Maybe You and Mari had needed to cancel at the last minute. 

"Think so. Didn't you read the email?" Chika paused. "Wait, you must've, to know to come here. Silly me!" She laughed, then, in that sort of self-deprecating way of hers. Riko wondered if it was appropriate to hug her. "Anyway, you look great! How's Tokyo?"

"Boring," Riko admitted. 

"Mm, yeah, figured as much. Still, you've got a roommate, so that must be something! Sarah Kazuno. Who'd have thought?" 

"It works." 

"Glad to hear it! Come on in, it's been so long." Chika swept her hand in a wide gesture, somewhat resembling a hostess of old. Riko giggled a little at it, in spite of herself. 

"It's nice," Riko murmured. The inn hadn't changed much - some new wallpaper here and there, a carpet to replace the one that Aqours had spent so many hours plotting on, but otherwise things were the same. The furniture, the lazy ceiling fan, they were just as she'd left them. 

"You might wanna be careful, though. I dunno if you're still . . . like you were, in high school." Chika sheepishly looked to the floor. Riko's heart sped up again. 

"What do you mean?" Oh, she was being as careful as she could be, given the circumstances, but that still wasn't enough, really.

"It's just that-" 

_"Demons!"_ Riko shrieked, primal fear taking over as two great beasts pounded their enormous paws on the hardwood floor, deadly sights set directly on her. 

"Maitake! Masutake!" Chika chided the two monsters, which skidded to a halt at the sound of her voice. Riko jumped at the sudden movement. "That's no way to greet your guests!" 

_Oh, right._ "These are Shiitake's puppies?" They'd grown to the size of their mother, tongues lolling out of their mouths as they awaited Chika's next instructions. 

"Yep! We tried to find homes for them, but in the end it just made the most sense to keep them here, you know?" 

"Right." Riko paused, choosing her next words carefully. "And Shiitake? Is she . . . ?"

"Oh, she's still around! Doesn't leave the doghouse much nowadays, but it'd take a force of nature to knock her down." 

"Okay. That's good." Even as Riko had grown fond of dogs in general, Shiitake still instilled in her a sort of terror she knew in every crevice of her mind was irrational. Still, she was glad for Chika's sake. "That's good." 

"You've probably had a long day on the train and stuff, maybe you ought to take a nap." 

"A nap. Yeah. I think that would be good, probably." Riko didn't know how much more dog-related small talk, how much fear of change she could take. Things would be easier once the others got here, she thought, then Chika would be spread thinner and she wouldn't be so _here,_ so all-encompassing and marvelous. 

Riko hadn't waxed poetic in her head like this for a long time - she wondered if there was a creative spark that hadn't been dimmed by Tokyo and its finances. 

"I booked you a room already, no charge!"

"Isn't that illegal? Since you run the inn?" Riko of course had taken this moment for her mouth to get the best of her. Chika shrugged. 

"Probably, yeah, but it's not like we're packed full. We all used to sleep in my room, 's not like my mom charged you for that!" Chika twiddled her thumbs. "Can't really all stay in my room now. We're grown women, you know. It's . . . it's kinda awkward."

"That makes sense." Riko staunchly refused to acknowledge the sharp little jab in her heart. How irreversible everything was, she thought - this trip was already marking her failures one-by-one; that she'd never stayed in Chika's room without the rest of Aqours present, that she'd never seen Shiitake's horrible puppies grow up. "Call me, though, if anyone else shows up. I haven't really stayed in touch with them aside from, you know, Ruby, because of . . ."

"Sarah," they both said in unison. 

"Jinx," Chika blurted out. "You owe me a soda." 

"I'll buy you one at the dinner." _When everyone is here and it's not so suffocating._ "Which room?" 

"The one right next to mine. 'S pretty standard, let me know if anything's wrong." 

"I will." Riko headed up the stairs, breath hitching on the creaky step she'd always hated, always worried would crack under her weight and send her plummeting to the floor. 

It was her hands she'd always worried about in those nightmare-visions, never her legs. She'd never been much for dancing or running, but she needed her hands to write, to play the piano, to reach her fingertips across a balcony and . . . no, okay, she was going to take a nap and when she woke up everyone else would be there and then it'd just be a nice reunion between friends and not whatever this was. 

The room was standard, just as Chika promised, a single bed low to the ground and a little TV with the channel guide sitting laminated on the table. A digital clock blinked a few minutes off. Riko checked her phone to see a series of missed texts from Sarah, sitting down on the bed as she did so. 

**Sarah Kazuno: Are you there yet?**

**Sarah Kazuno: Riko?**

**Sarah Kazuno: Call me, alright?**

**Sarah Kazuno: Also say hi to the in-laws for me.**

Riko hit her number and held the phone up, pushing her hair out of the way of her ear. 

_beep . . . beep . .' . beep . . ._

Sarah's dial tone seemed slower than usual until finally her gravelly voice came through on the static. 

_"Riko? How is it?"_

"It's . . ." Words, whatever they might've been, got stuck in Riko's throat. "Fine."

_"Mm-hmm."_

"I told her I'm taking a nap right now." Riko rolled over. God, those sheets were soft. 

_"But instead you're calling me. Brilliant evasion technique."_

"I'm fine." Maybe Riko was trying to convince herself. Maybe it was working. 

_"So, anyway, that's it?"_

"I've only been here an hour." 

_"Fair enough. Call back tonight, will you?"_ Sarah's voice softened, as much as her voice could. _"I worry about you, Sakurauchi."_

"Thanks." It was nice, admittedly, to have someone in her corner who wasn't so tightly connected with Aqours but still _understood._ Sarah's interest in romance had always been nonexistent, but she'd been observant, and she'd known Leah and Ruby were seeing each other before they knew it themselves. 

("Friends don't go on dates to the swan boats and name the swan after their future child," she'd apparently told them, which had sent Ruby into a stuttering fit and sent Leah into kind of a trance.)

("You had to be there," she later explained, while telling the story to Riko)

All of this was to say that she understood her plight and didn't judge her that much on it, and now she was hours away in Tokyo while Riko sat in her ex-best-friend's inn's bed and idly flipped channels on the TV. A talk show, a pair of demon hunters, a news story about another tragedy - Riko felt each one weigh her down a bit. Finally, she settled on Honoka Kousaka's familiar visage, dancing in an old Muse video on one of those music channels you had to pay extra for - it was such a Chika thing to do, providing that for everyone, that Riko smiled a little. She wondered what the members were doing now. 

(In the days of Aqours' time as a non-idol band, it had become a sort of game among them - guessing the occupations of their predecessors, making up little stories. Her favorite involved Nico Yazawa as a used car saleswoman, mostly because it made way too much sense.) 

They were probably happy, wherever they were - theirs had been a clean break, a promise of life beyond that of idolhood and stardom, not Aqours' slow descent into obscurity. Riko had languished in it for too long - they all had. 

She watched the videos until the dances swam in front of her eyes, quietly wondering what trickster of the universe had decided it would be funny to play a Best Of marathon on today of all days. 

At some point, though she wouldn't have been able to tell you when, she fell asleep with the TV still blaring. 

***

 _"Yoshiko's here!"_ Riko bolted up at the sound. She waited for the inevitable reply - _"it's Yohane!"_ but it never came. Patting her hair down and smoothing out any wrinkles in her skirt, Riko pushed herself up out of the bed and headed downstairs. Yoshiko and Chika sat on the couches as Yoshiko affectionately petted one of the dogs. 

"Hey, Riko-chan!" Yoshiko stood up and - apparently having none of her or Chika's reservations - swept Riko up in a bone-crushing hug. "You've graced us again with your presence, hmm?" 

"Seems like it." 

"She was the first one to arrive!" Chika piped up. Riko flushed red, though she wasn't sure why. It wasn't like Chika had specified a time in the email; she had no way of knowing she'd be the first. 

_But it's fine now,_ she told herself, taking deep breaths, lowering her shoulders so she could stand taller. _Yoshiko's here, so it's fine now._

"How have you been? The corporate machine treating you well?" Yoshiko popped the collar of her leather jacket as soon as she set Riko down, as if to emphasize her anti-establishment slant, a turn that had somewhat grown out of her old fallen angel shtick. Riko was pretty sure she'd been arrested at least twice. Possibly more, but Mari's lawyers were good at keeping things out of the news cycle when she wanted them to. 

"It's not easy to be a working woman," Riko muttered, and it was true. She had the utmost respect for her practice, had a sense of pride that came with being a somewhat-out lesbian in a predominantly male workplace, but she was bored senseless and Yoshiko, damn her weird little soul, had seen right through it. 

"I know. Still, come with me on parade someday. Who knows, maybe there'll be some girls who're into chin-in-hand kiss-"

"Great to see you too, Yoshiko!" Riko pushed her away, physically, as if that would make the conversation go away. Yoshiko hardly stumbled. 

"Zuramaru's on her way, had some loose ends at a signing - published author Zuramaru, can you believe that? - but she'll be here." Yoshiko smiled a little lovesick smile. Riko felt a pang of jealousy. Yoshiko and Hanamaru, demon and angel, the world's worst-kept secret, a pair of lovers like something out of a Shakespearean comedy. They'd never married, never officially tied any sort of knot, but they were together. Anyone with half a brain or half an eye for literary analysis knew it was fated. 

(Also, Hanamaru had dedicated every novel of hers to 'my darling fallen angel,' so that was something)

"Great!" Chika clapped her hands together, a sound that reverberated around the lobby. "That's nearly half of Aqours accounted for - You-chan'll be here soon, Mari and Kanan are coming by flight so who knows when they'll be here, Ruby's going to be late because of . . . something, and then that'll be it!" Chika clapped again. "Everyone in Aqours, together again." She smiled a little, but it was tinged with something Riko couldn't place - melancholy, regret maybe? She'd never been good at tapping into other people's emotions. She'd always been too good at tapping into her own. 

Whatever it was, it made her heart seize up for what must've been the millionth time that day. This trip was not good for her blood pressure. 

Her thoughts were interrupted, brusquely, by the very distinct sound of a massive engine whirring, drowning out the mellow waves outside. Chika bolted out the door, Maitake and Masutake and Yoshiko and Riko all fast on her heels. 

A helicopter trembled to the ground in front of them, because of course it did, sending sand flying every which way and blowing a gust powerful enough that even Yoshiko had trouble staying upright. 

_"We're back!"_ Mari yelled out in English, sticking her head out the window, her oversized headphones making it clear that she'd been the pilot. The helicopter's propellers slowed to a standstill, and she hopped out, clearly none the wiser to the baffled expressions of her three former bandmates standing on the beach, covered in sand. 

"You know, when Chika-chan said 'coming by flight,' I thought you meant an airplane," Riko said. Chika nodded her agreement. It bothered Riko a little bit, how fast they'd gotten back in sync. It did nothing for her constant internal reassurance that this was simply a reunion between old friends. 

"Oh, well, you all must have forgotten who was talking, then!" Mari's voice had always been naturally loud - this was a known fact - but she sounded like she was straining her throat. Riko tapped her ear, and Mari slid the headphones down to hang around her neck. _"Whoops!"_ Kanan stumbled out behind her. 

"You always go too fast for me," she murmured, clearly relieved to be back on the ground. Riko was sure this was a movie quote, but this wasn't the time to check for the source on her phone. Regardless, Kanan made her way to Mari, holding her hand as if they'd been apart for years. Their glittering blue engagement rings sparkled in the sun. Looking up, she gave a little wave to the group on the beach. "And how are you all?"

"Kanan!" Chika rushed to hug her, all but jumping into her arms. Kanan caught her without flinching. "It's been so long!"

"It's great to see you too, Chika." Kanan smiled warmly. Riko was reminded of the fact that Kanan had known Chika for years longer than she had, and that they'd stayed in contact, somewhat. 

(It wasn't _jealousy,_ obviously, because if Yoshiko and Hanamaru were the heroines of a Shakespearean comedy then Kanan and Mari were the star-crossed lovers who looked tragic endings dead in the face and said _no thank you,_ but it was . . . something, definitely)

"So, it's just You-chan and the Kurosawas we're missing, then?" Mari plonked down on the sand, clearly unaffected by the gigantic helicopter she'd just landed there without any sort of permit. Riko had no choice but to do the same. "Ah, why don't we stay out here and wait for them? We're easy enough to spot." 

"Because of your helicopter," Kanan deadpanned. 

"Oh, we both know what's happened on that helicopter." Mari waggled her eyebrows, a sly grin crossing her face. "There's a lot about it that stands out." Chika pulled a face. 

"Gross!" she squeaked out. "Ugh, you know we're not supposed to talk about that stuff." 

"Despite the fact that nearly half of us paired off?" Yoshiko said it flippantly, but Riko bristled all the same. It wasn't her fault that it _sounded_ like a sort of attack, at least, even though Yoshiko didn't have a mean bone in her body. 

"I guess it doesn't hurt to . . . wait," Riko forced out, hands folded in her lap. "For everyone else." 

"Right you are!" Mari relaxed into the sand, clearly satisfied with her victory. 

And then, because of whatever law governing the happenings of this weekend that determined things could never, ever be peaceful for more than two seconds, Dia and Ruby stepped off the bus. 

"You're all here!" Ruby cried, tears already bubbling in her eyes. Riko shrugged. She'd never been as close with the Kurosawas as she'd been with some of the others, even after platonically shacking up with Ruby's inlaw, but they were nice. 

"Ruby-chan! Dia!" Chika bounded towards them. Mari flashed Dia a wink. It felt right, certainly, and then Hanamaru wobbled off the bus too, clutching a bulky hardcover to her chest. Yoshiko pushed right past Ruby to hug her. 

"You didn't say you'd be here!" 

"I got lost, zura," she admitted, sheepish. "I was lucky enough to get my cell phone working and called Ruby-chan, and it worked out pretty well, zura." Yoshiko kissed her on the cheek. 

"I missed you. How was the signing?"

"Oh! This one little girl came right up to me, zura, and she was maybe our age when we formed Aqours and she said she'd cried when she started reading it, 'cause she'd never seen anyone like her in a big sweeping fantasy-slash-classical epic, and then _I_ started crying! It was emotional, zura." Hanamaru shivered - it was getting later in the day, the sea breeze turning colder. Reflexively, Yoshiko shrugged off her jacket and handed it to her. "That reminds me! I brought copies for all of y'all, zura! Figured it's the least I could do."

"Ah, Maru-chan, you didn't have to do that!" Mari beamed. "You know we all keep up to date with all your books, you think Kanan and I don't have it at our house? We'd never forget something like the achievements of another Aqours member." 

"T-thanks, zura." Hanamaru scuffed her shoe in the sand. Riko guiltily realized she hadn't even known about a new book. "Still, I've got 'em in my bag, here- I put all your names in and everything . . ." 

"This is what I wanted," Chika whispered, nudging Riko with her elbow. Riko felt a heat, tremendous for the cold air around her, spread through her body. 

"What?"

"This. Just . . . all of us reconnecting. You know? Aqours is a once-in-a-lifetime thing and I don't- I never wanted it to end." 

"None of us did." There'd never even been an official announcement of a breakup - Riko was sure that if she looked online, there'd be websites listing them as still together, fans just waiting for the end of this indefinite hiatus, but the nine of them knew the truth. They'd exhausted it, that glittering brilliant spark, they'd carried it into adulthood and it simply hadn't survived. It was a shared and unspoken and awful thing. But it was true. 

"Y'know, when I sent that email I didn't even think anyone would come." Chika looked up at the orange-and-pink sky, that color it always turned right around this time that reminded Riko of the two of them, stupidly. "I mean, You-chan would've, 'cause she's nice like that and she lives a few towns over, making boat deliveries and stuff, but nobody else. Just . . . that I'd probably never see any of you again. Not because of anything bad, we'd all just forget." 

"Do you think I could ever forget you?" Riko squeezed her eyes shut like she could squeeze back the words. Chika stood, transfixed, as the wind picked up speed. The waves chopped heavier for a few moments, and then it stopped. 

"So it's just dear You-chan that we're missing, hmm?" Mari broke into the reverie, and Riko was grateful. "And then dinner, right? I haven't brought out the Stewshine in a while . . ." 

"Please, some of us _are_ on a budget," Dia retorted. 

"Ah, Dia, always the _worrywart,_ you know I really wouldn't do that." 

"She would," Kanan said, playful. It was a perfect picture, Riko thought, the third-years sliding back into their old roles as if no time had passed at all while Hanamaru explained her novel's plot twist to Ruby, Yoshiko hanging off her arm. The distant sound of a humming machine came from the water, and Riko turned to see exactly what she'd expected.

 _"Aye-aye!_ Chika, you made me think this was a dinner party! I'd have come earlier if I'd known." And of course there was none other than You Watanabe, sailor's cap perched on her head as she parked her motorboat in the docks, grinning just widely enough to mask the sadness that Riko knew lay beneath. 

She'd never been brave enough to get anywhere that meant something with Chika, but if she had . . . Chika had made her decision and it did not favor her oldest friend. If she'd harbored any bitterness towards Riko for it, though, she hadn't shown it since their third year. 

"You-chan!" Chika helped You off the boat, holding her hand gingerly, and Riko didn't miss the way You's whole body stiffened at the contact. 

"Guess I'm fashionably late, eh?" 

"I'd say you're _just on time!"_ Mari grinned. Riko had never gotten the specifics - of course she hadn't - but she knew they were close. Knew she was in on You's feelings, always had. Behind that outrageous businesswoman persona lay a heart of gold. "Now, dinner?"

***

Aqours, collectively, decided on an old restaurant they'd frequented in their high school days. Mari and Chika led the parade, ever the extroverts of their group, while Riko fell into step with Ruby. 

"Sarah says hi," she said, any other conversation topics coming up empty in her head. 

"Ah, Leah-chan couldn't come." Ruby really was like a little kid, even now. So was Leah, really, from what Riko had seen of her. They made sense together. That pang hit her again, and she had to resist the urge to physically double over. There was no need to be dramatic, after all. "She said it should just be for me and my other bandmates - the 'sanctity of the group,' something like that." Ruby laughed lightly. It was an eerie sound. "We've been performing together for two years now. She should know that she's welcome anytime." 

"Right." Riko didn't say that she agreed with Leah, actually, that she wouldn't have wanted Sarah there either, but she didn't. No use arguing with Ruby, still the little sister of the group even at twenty-five. 

They passed the pier where Riko had tried to plunge into the icy depths just to know what it felt like and the memory overtook her so suddenly, so powerfully, that she nearly moved to push Chika's hands off of her waist. 

The water had been so cold, and all she'd wanted to do was swim for a few minutes, but Chika had leapt after her anyway. 

They'd both ended up soaked. 

"We're here!" Chika herself spread her arms wide in front of the restaurant. It seemed smaller, but that should have been obvious, and of course it was a bit worn-down, but that, too, made perfect sense. All nine members of Aqours, together again, stepped inside. 

"It's just like it was, zura!" Hanamaru exclaimed. Yoshiko jammed her hands in her pockets. "Oh, this is wonderful!" 

"We can keep reminiscing at our table." You's voice was terse, a little sad. Riko didn't feel _guilt,_ necessarily, for getting between her and Chika, but she felt something. Whatever it was, it wasn't pleasant. But everyone sat down anyway, sort of awkwardly looked at everyone else, waiting for the conversation to start again. Somehow, Riko had ended up sandwiched between Chika and Yoshiko. 

"You know," she began, because even a few seconds of silence felt suffocating for this group, even though her voice was nearly drowned out by everything else. "I'm glad that we're all here. It's important to remember where we came from, to take a moment and look back."

"Because you're so high-and-mighty, madam Tokyo accountant," Yoshiko muttered. Hanamaru elbowed her. 

"Don't be rude, zura," she hissed. 

"Yohane's right," You broke in. Riko felt beads of sweat starting to form at her temples. "When was the last time you reached out to any of us, Riko? And you think you can just come back here a-and everything would be the same?" 

"Of course not." Riko tried to remember her breathing exercises, but nothing came to mind. God, this trip had turned her head into a canyon, turned her heart into a pincushion. 

It had also, apparently, given her back her penchant for coming up with lyrics at the very worst times. 

"Hey, now, I was the one who invited everyone-" 

"It's just _sad,_ alright?" You's hands trembled. "We're all adult women trying to act like we're still in high school."

"Nobody's _acting_ like anything. All this trip has done is remind me that everything's different now!" Riko quivered, too, but she couldn't stop herself from talking. The table shook, and she wondered if it was the same one that had been there ten years ago. "Do you know what that feels like?"

"Of course I do!" 

"Then you understand how horrible it is, right?" Riko swallowed the awful lump in her throat, threatening to undo her. "I was just fine, thinking we'd all moved on just fine, but . . ." 

There wasn't anything else she could say. 

With one more shuddering breath, Riko stood up and stormed out. 

***

Obviously there had been better ways she could've resolved the situation, obviously it would've been so much easier if she'd just sat back down and chattered with everyone about their jobs and lives and such, but she couldn't ignore the way her heart just kept hurting, over and over again, and she had to keep wiping at her face with a sleeve to get the tears off until her sleeves were damp, too, and it was dark outside but she didn't really care. 

She was sad and she was going to feel that, she was going to let it spread from her bones until she reached the inn and tromped up to her room like . . . well, like a teenager, really. 

And then, of course, she called the one person who might understand without a hundred thousand tons of baggage weighing her down. 

_beep-beep-beep_

"Sarah?"

_"Riko? What's up? You sound upset."_

"I am." There wasn't anything other than the truth, plain and simple. 

_"What happened?"_

"Ruby's doing well." Riko coughed a bit, tried to keep down the way that, too, almost turned into a sob. "And, erm, I got into a . . . a fight, sort of, with You."

_"She's the . . . sailor one, right?"_

"Yeah." Riko paused. "God, Sarah, I don't- I didn't think I'd miss her this much."'

_"The sailor girl?"_

"Chika."

_"Right. That, ah, that makes more sense."_

"Everywhere I turn, I swear it's like I'm being haunted by a new memory every time."

_"Of course you are. This whole town's got her name stamped on it."_

"Can I use that? I'm trying to- I mean, I'm thinking about writing songs again."

 _"Be my guest. It's not like I'm going to do anything with it."_ Sarah was nonchalant, calm. It was just what Riko needed, right then. _"Listen. You've pined after this girl for a decade, most of your friends have paired off . . . it's natural to feel upset about it."_

"I don't know what to do." Riko thought of Kanan and Mari's whirlwind marriage, of Yoshiko and Hanamaru's strange creative partnership, even of Ruby and Leah. 

_"Come home, Riko."_ Sarah's voice was soft, nearly pleading. _"It's okay to admit you miss them, but don't keep doing this if it's just hurting you. That's not good for anyone."_

"You should be a therapist," Riko chuckled, voice wet. 

_"I'd scare them off, probably. I'm not an awfully tender person."_

"You're kind, though." Riko curled into herself, tight, like she could toughen herself up against the world. "I'll see you soon."

_"Take care, Sakurauchi."_

"You too." Riko waited for the telltale _click,_ but it never came. She was the one to hang up, after a few seconds. 

There wasn't much else to do. 

***

Riko heard the sound of everyone else coming back a little while later, enough footsteps that she couldn't discern any individual ones but she imagined, at least, that it was everyone. Apparently, as she'd been told on the walk over, Kanan and Mari were sharing a room with Dia, while Hanamaru and Yoshiko were sharing with Ruby. Only You shared her predicament - one lonesome room, cut off from the world at large. 

"Hey, Riko-chan?" Chika's knuckles rapped against the door once, twice, three times in quick succession. Riko looked up. "I got here a while back, 'cause I was worried, but I didn't want to bother you. Everything okay in there?" Her voice was measured, careful, and it broke Riko's heart. Chika had always loved so ferociously, so recklessly, that to hear her like this proved just what Riko had known from the beginning: she wasn't the same anymore. None of them were. 

"I'm fine," she said, another little white lie among millions. 

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. Get some sleep, okay?" _I've done enough._

"O-okay. If you say so." The sound of Chika's feet padding away, probably to her own room by the balcony, where she'd nearly toppled trying to prove some asinine point about reaching for dreams, for love, for the moon and the stars and the whole world, and a fat lot of good it had done any of them. 

Riko slipped into the single set of pajamas she'd brought with her - really more of a sleep shirt, something that had laid in her closet since university - and tried to fall asleep. 

But nothing she tried to do ever worked out, not on this trip, so of course a few minutes later the sound of knocking came again. 

"I'm okay, Chika," she said, trying to convince herself more than anyone else. 

"It's not her." And it wasn't - it was You, her drawl as familiar as anything. "Can I come in?"

"Sure?" Riko felt, somehow, that things would be worse if she didn't let her in. A few seconds passed. 

"Could you _let_ me in?" 

"Oh! Right, of course." Riko pushed off her covers, opened the door. You's gray hair was more tousled than usual, a pair of dark circles under her eyes. Riko wondered what had happened in the past few hours. 

"Thanks." She pushed past, made herself at home on the armchair in the corner. "You know I've never hated you."

"That's . . . certainly a way to start a conversation." Riko sat on the bed, waiting for whatever this was to take form. 

"I'm not some awful jealous ex or whatever. Chika's her own person and she made her own choices and one of those choices was you." And then You leveled her gaze, piercing Riko with nothing but her two eyes and ten years of bottled-up feelings. "What I hate is that you didn't do anything about it."

"What?"

"You know she loved you. You must've. But you didn't, you just . . . floundered, writing love songs, all while I watched and wished that were me with everything I had."

"I didn't want to complicate things." It was true, even if it was the tiniest part of a thousand other fears. Most of them ended in Chika leaving. So much for any of that working out, she thought bitterly. "I'm sorry for making a scene at dinner."

"Are you kidding? Nine high school friends, nearly half of them married to each other, you thought nobody was gonna snap?" You shook her head. "I don't know why she thought this was a good idea in the first place."

"Chika?"

"Yeah."

"I mean, it started out nice. Really beautiful, even." Riko smiled at the thought of everyone on the beach, as if no time had passed at all, brilliant and wonderful in every sense of the word. "I guess we just aren't that compatible anymore."

"People change. Times change. It's the only constant of life." You tipped her head back, looking at the ceiling fan still spinning slowly, sporadically.

"That's profound."

"It's the truth." You grinned at her, teeth gleaming white in the dark of the room. "Get some sleep, Riko. We'll all still be here in the morning." Without another word, You got up and left, making sure to close the door behind her. 

Riko let sleep swallow her in the darkness.

***

There wasn't much to pack, just the pajamas and her phone, so Riko didn't have much trouble leaving the room as she'd found it. The greatest challenge, she deduced, would be leaving without anyone noticing, without forcing the need for goodbyes. 

Aqours had never formally said goodbye as a group, had never parted in any way that signified an ending at all. Even Uranohoshi's shutdown, awful as it was, had not driven them apart. 

Time had been the cause of that. 

Riko tried to remember which step was the creaky one, but in the early-morning dark they all looked the same, and she winced when it moaned beneath her foot. _So much for sneaking out,_ she thought. There was a snuffle, something alive, and Riko froze. It had to be someone, and there went her plan for leaving, for forgetting this weekend had ever happened. 

"Hello?" she called out, whispering, shaking, hoping it would be Dia or Hanamaru or someone else who wouldn't make a scene, who'd give a quick understanding hug and leave it at that. There was the snuffling sound again, and she heard footsteps again, but they weren't coming from upstairs; they were below her. Riko's eyes had adjusted to the dark, and she could make out a silhouette moving slowly across the floor. The world looked like TV static.

 _Oh._ It took all her willpower not to bolt when she realized who it belonged to - Shiitake, ancient and lumbering along the lobby like some old-fashioned spirit. 

"H-hey, girl," she whispered, descending the final few steps as she did so. Shiitake made some kind of grunting noise. Riko chose to take this as a good sign, reached out to pet her head. Shiitake pushed up against her palm, panting, tail thumping on the hardwood. Still youthful, really, even after so long. It made Riko smile, thinking that this dog she'd once feared so terribly had aged better than her. "Yeah, you're not so bad." 

The look Shiitake gave her almost seemed like a thank-you. 

Shaking her head, Riko stood up and opened the door slowly, always slowly. It closed shut behind her of its own accord, and that seemed as grim a sign as anything else. 

"I guess it's time," she said, to nobody in particular. The sun was just barely starting to peek above the buildings, just barely starting to dye the sky pink. Her feet felt like lead, each step a laborious sort of endeavor. God, how terribly she'd missed everyone. How terrible it was that things were no longer the same, would never be the same again. 

Riko wouldn't look back, of course she wouldn't. It'd hurt too much if she did. 

The suitcase bumped behind her, and the world seemed heightened, strange. Riko took another deep breath. _Of course,_ she figured, _this would make me jittery. That's all this weekend has done._ The thought carried her down the blocks, down through the town that still felt so much like it was _hers._

Of course she didn't think much of it when she thought she heard a distant voice calling her name - it would be a drunk, probably, or her own imagination. It wasn't until the voice came closer, rang with that eager, nervous, high pitch that she knew so well that Riko dared to turn around and see Chika standing there, wind whipping at her hair, her face barely hiding some kind of sadness. 

"Were you really going to leave without saying goodbye?" she murmured. Riko wanted to cry right then, wanted to fling herself into Chika's arms, but she couldn't, she never could . . .

You's words from the previous night played on loop in her head, and she squeezed her eyes shut to keep them out. To keep herself from crying, too. 

"I thought it'd be best. For everyone." Riko gulped. It sounded weak, even to her own ears. "Right?" 

"Is that really what you thought?" Chika sounded soft, like Riko was a deer, like she'd run away at the slightest movement. The metaphor was apt enough, considering everything. Riko could only shrug. "Riko-chan, you know there's a reason why I wanted to see you all. I've missed you! Sure, everything's different, because that's what life's like, but we're still . . . we're still _us,_ you know? We're still Aqours."

"What if we're not?" 

"Well, then we're still a group, aren't we? It's hard to forget something like that." Chika looked Riko dead in the eye, then, and in the back of her mind she remembered how friends picked up each other's traits, and how she'd definitely picked this up from You at some point, this interrogation that still felt gentle, somehow. Chika usually wasn't one for eye contact. 

"Yeah." Riko couldn't look right at her, it would be like staring into the sun and expecting it to give her better eyesight. "Listen, Chika . . ."

"Please, don't say it." Chika's eyes were full of tears, now, close to bursting. "Okay? Let's just say goodbye and try not to think about it because if you think about it _I'll_ think about it and then I'll spend the next several years thinking about what could've been, right?" 

"I won't say anything, then." Riko took a step back, ready to bolt, ready to do everything in her power not to realize that Chika had loved her back all along. "We both know anyway."

"Fine." But she didn't move, and neither did Riko, and then it was one of those movie kisses where they both started it at the same time, rushing towards each other like they'd come home from war, just so full of sadness and relief and love, pure and simple. It was clumsy, too, heads bonking together and laughing that turned into just kind of smiling against each other's mouths, holding each other's arms like they'd fall apart if they didn't hold on. 

"What now?" Chika's breaths came in little hiccups, tiny almost-sobs. "Now that we've . . . you know, it's out in the open, we're not gonna be able to put it back." The way she phrased it reminded Riko of that old saying, about squeezing a whole tube of toothpaste into the sink and then trying to cram it back into the tube. Impossible, was what she'd gotten out of that. The point was that some things were impossible. 

"I guess we just keep living." Riko wiped her eyes again. "Tokyo's not so far, you know." 

"I guess it's not." Chika laughed, voice thick. "Yeah." 

"So." Riko wondered if this, too, were a dream that would be snatched away from her at the soonest opportunity. She stamped her foot, just to make sure, pinched the skin on her arm and breathed a sigh of relief when all she felt was the sharp jolt of pain and Chika still stood in front of her. "I still, ah, I still have a train to catch, and I need to catch up on work, so . . ." 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll see you around, then." Chika gave her a dorky half-smile, waved with her hand only partially raised. It reminded Riko of when she'd told her to play the piano at that competition - sending her away, but not, really, sort of cementing the promise that they'd always find their way back to each other. It seemed to be true now, definitely, and Riko realized with a warmth in her heart that it would be true in the future, too. 

She walked away towards the train with more love in her bones than she thought possible.

**Author's Note:**

> even though i've always related much more closely to chika, something about riko makes her a great narrator. i had fun imagining where everyone in aqours might end up in the future - i liked it.


End file.
